i have realized that even after my many years and very expensive education, I am still unable to spell. I find myself sitting and staring at the computer screen in awe of how many words I literally can not remember how to spell. For a while I felt badly about this. Thinking that people would look at things I write and think that I am an uneducated air-head that can not spell the words that you were forced to memorize in the third grade. But then i came to the conclusion that I am too lazy to look things up in the dictionary, I don't really want to be bothered hitting the spell check button, and I could care less if my words are spelled correctly or not. If you can figure out what I am trying to say, then it works for me!
And I will sleep like a baby regardless!
Ahh sweet liberation!

I was shopping at a flea market today. The same flea market that I have been going to with my parents since I was young- and I have found that over the years, much has changed. This is an open air market that runs every saturday during the nicer weather months. The grounds are always filled with farmers wares and  the usual junk with hidden treasures spiratically placed to take you on a hunt that could last for hours. It's hidden away in this little Connecticut town that is known for its antique stores and its snobby residents.

Over the years I have seen a change- and more and more there has been an influx of people there selling fake hand bags, sunglasses, and other things that I'm sure are illegal to sell. Besides the fact that I felt it ruined the charm of my little flea market, I never really minded. Everyone serves their purpose. And week after week their would be women pulling up in their Mercedes and BMW's, flocking to the tables where these items were laid out (somthing always found hystical and ironic).

Now that I have you warmed up, heres where the actual story comes in.

This week, while I was walking up my usual "starting path", I noticed that there were a large number of state and local police roaming about. Everyone was whispering and pointing, and before I knew it I saw people being halled off into police cars and being shoved onto the ground in hand cuffs. Now, I don't condone selling illegal things, but I mean, we are not talking about hardend criminals here. A little common decensy was in order.

So as my nosiness got the best of me, I started to watch. Middle aged asian women and teenage asian and black boys were being harrassed, interogated, there things being thrown around and broken as they were thrown to the ground like murders (I hope Louis Vittan is happy). And there, next to this, was a white couple, who I have seen there for years selling fake sun glasses. The police officers did tape off their area like the rest, surrounding it with bright yellow "crime scence tape".  But instead of being thrown to the ground, or pulled to the police cars, the police officer was talking to them calmly, as they giggled a bit, and packed up their sun glasses in tissue paper one by one, and loaded it back into their car. It really paid to be white in an all white upper class town that day!

I am nieve. I thought that things were changing- And I hope I am wrong about that, and in fact they are,  I just happend to catch one instance. But- no matter how much things change, one small instance is still too much! Love eachother, we are all in the same human family!!

I am a dreamer, and I dream big! Every free moment that my mind has to wonder, it wonders so far away that sometimes I find it hard to get it back on track. I dream of where I'm going, of who I'll meet, of what I'll do. I dream about dreaming. I envision good times and bad times and those in between times that theres nothing but dreams. I dream of ridiculous things that could never happen, and then convince myself that they might. My dreams hold me back and push me forward...so I found a happy medium for them to reside.

I challenge you to dream. To stand for a moment and think of what could be and remember what has been. Take yourself away for a moment in times of stress. We all have that child like imagination resinating in our minds and our hearts. Tap into it. If nothing else its fun and it passes the time when your bored.

My goal is to live in the moment, to be present always. Even if one day I DO achieve my goal (which I will) I WILL ALWAYS DREAM!!

PLEASANT DREAMS
Day dream believer

I dream of the day
that you are there
waiting for me with open arms-
and I with open arms,
I run to you
smiles
tears

I dream of the day
that things are different
and you can open your heart
and learn to love again
love
laughter

I hope for the day
that you see the power in you
to be everything you need
just for yourself
no regrets
peace onto yourself

I pray that one day
you will allow yourself to dream
and to let your dreams be fullfilled
one day at a time
be present
dream big

You have the power
to see your dreams
and be yourself
and love yourself
be true
be honest
be love
be you!

This is my silent prayer that I am sending out for someone I love. Pray that he finds his way! Sometimes we just need that extra prayer to get us going.

(I love you!)

Namaste to all!!

"Go out into the world...lead with your heart", same speach I have given my yoga class tons of times and something I truely adhere to.... and something that is getting more and more difficult. We are all pulled in so many directions each day and istead of that old philosphy, "put your best foot forward", I put love forward. Love for everthing- that divine spirit in each an everyone of us that resonates in our chest and shines outward for all to see. Even though I seem to be surrounded by people who, to put it lightly, don't follow the same path as I; I continue on my journey anyway, hoping that possibly they'll absourb a little love light themselves.

For all of us it's different, but love is in each of us just waiting to be tapped into and used. Love for ourselves first and foremost. Love for God and/or all the divine power that is the one constant that most people can hold onto. Love for the earth and all the wonderous things that it has to offer us. Love for our friends and families, and love and compassion for everyone we come in contact with.

What is love exactly? Such a philosophical cliche of a question, but something I ponder constatly nontheless. Is it trully some hormonal release around a certain person because of pheromones or other biological phenomina, or is it a more profound spiritual connection to other person that becuase of fate or chance you were meant to be with? Why, once I am with someone, do I find it almost impossible to detach myself from them, even if I know that I am in a completley unhappy, unhealthy relationship? I am a doomed cancer, always thinking I can save someone, and once I get on a mission, there is no turning around. But even when I know that my mission has failed, I still need to circle over and over and over again before I can fianlly land the plane. And I come close many times, but always pulling back up at the last second out of fear of stepping out onto that run way alone I am sure. We meet and loose so many people along the way in our lives, that it is almost impossible to even remember most of, let alone worry about never talking to or seeing them again. Will I not meet another person that will take there place, or rather, build a new place within me...sure. I know that I have the support of friends and family and countless healthy relationships, but I concentrate soley on the one that makes me unhappy...true. I am ironically a very independent person in any other circumstance...yes.  So why, I ask you is it so difficult to let someone go?? Just let go! And how do we go about doing so without feeling like your heart is being ripped out?

I have always been facinated by weather; wind in particular. Its almost like meeting a new person that you really never get to know. Where did it come from? Where is it going? You learn it's scent, but only for an instant and the rest is left soley to your imagination. I find that even on my worst days, if I walk outside, and theres a warm gust of air thats blows my hair back away from my face and my eyes begin to tear a bit, I always crack a smile...no aparent reason. Maybe it's natures wonder, or angels blowing past me bringing me this little flicker of happieness that I had lost in that very moment. Its the little things in life....today it was the wind! We are all lucky to have our "little things".

At the end of each of my yoga classes I ask my students to sit with the hands in prayer and bow thier heads in a moement of silence or take some time for silent prayer. And I in each class I remind them "To give thanks for everything that you have and for all that you are as a person". Today for the first time in a long time,I actually listened to myself:

God, thank you for giving me a gift that I can share with others each and everyday. Thank you for all that you have given me and for the strength to get the things that I need on my own. I thank you for the person that I am, and all that I was blessed with today, and each and everyday. Please allow me to spread love and light onto each and every person in this room, and alow that light to go out further to anyone that needs it. Bless me God, and allow me to be strong in everything that I do, and have the strength to ask for help when I need it.  Shanti Nameste...

I work with young children that have behavioral and/or psychological issues. I'm a counselor, and I'd like to think that I take part in helping to shape their lives and guide them in the right direction. Today I was at work, and while yelling at one of my kids, tripped over my own two clumsy feet and fell right on my face in front of everyone. No more explanation needed. That was how my day began, and I'm sure you can imagine the rest. SOME MUCH NEEDED YOGA ON THE WAY!